define your fears

This weekend, we go to the bank.
     We will be wiring our full payment to Costa Rica. Wow! Again, that trust thing is taking center stage.
     If that isn't enough to get your sweat pouring, not sure what will.
     The checklist is getting smaller. To do: submit patient forms, submit my medical doctor's form, send money. Three things. Then, I go.
     But first, I must wait.
     No excuses, I promise, but my calendar looks like a war zone. I have about two weeks to prepare for the seasonal launch of my photography business, finish fine-tuning a new website, prepare for two upcoming weddings, pitch my story to various outlets, complete a photography and editorial deadline for a chamber magazine, reach out to writers and sources for the winter issue of Georgia Connector, put out all fires at home, order dog and cat food home delivery (by the way, this is the best thing EVER - CHEWY.com) call Ken and get round bales arranged for delivery . . . breathe.
     This adventure has been about three things: economics, health and fear. I fear dentists more than snarling tigers. However, I do love to eat; I do love to make money; I do love to be a success at my business; and I do love to see my husband look at me with adoring eyes. I haven't seen those lately (although he will say that is not true); I'm not sure how it could not be true. And, I haven't looked in the mirror with intention or motivation in a long time. I honestly can't remember when I looked into the mirror and actually liked what I saw.
    Leave it to a millennial to find a guru who will put my life in perspective. As my son says, "kick that fear in the ass." He's right, but you know me - a woman, a hardheaded woman. A woman whose fears have often dictated my course of actions. What is unraveling in my head is far worse that what reality will offer. I know that. Still, I fall for these thoughts.
     These are the facts.
     I will be in debt up to your eyeballs for the next three years, BUT, I will smile again, eat again, find joy again. More than anything, I will find me again. I will smile, not simply because I can, but because I want to.
    Here's Ty's take on it all . . . thanks bud.