better. me. much better.

i have this - better. me. much better. - on a post-it above my desk - followed by a list of choices that, if handled correctly, will, in fact, make me a much better person. of course, following those is the key.

the list is short but its voice is demonstrative. one connecting idea:  don't stop dreaming. 

i was once criticized by someone that that was my downfall; i dreamed too much. i dreamed of moments, events, things that would never possible come true, and i spent so much time dwelling on what might possibly happen that i forgot to live in the present. i guess you could say that was true. maybe i didn't want to live in the that present.

time has elapsed and that present is no longer present, and I'm in a much better place, but i still dream. i dream every single day. even though, economically, things are strapped, i still linger over travel sites, search through airline flights, and pray for availability at my favorite little bungalow. i get excited when i get sale emails and i hurriedly go to the website, pick out a few favorites and then, click the 'x' in the top right hand corner. i am satisfied. although I don't go through the official 'check out', i'm happy to have lingered awhile.

i've always said, if i didn't have the capacity to dream, i would have called it quits long ago. i believe it's an innate power given to us  mortals [and i believe, especially to women] to reach for those desires that are a tad beyond our reach.  henry david thoreau said it best: go confidently in the direction of your dreams. live the life you have imagined. the simplicity of his experiences at walden pond instilled a power within him that he never knew existed. i believe in that key -  simplicity.

i like this much better version of myself.  it includes peace, happiness, contentment, satisfaction, hard work, busy days, and a dash of pride in the me that i have become. making the right choices, sticking steadfast to a goal, searching and researching a better way, and putting all the knowledge i have to work for the good. i have a focal point, and it's very clear.

i am a better person because i've been to the valley. i now assemble dreams that take me to a higher place.

finishing my novel, organizing and scheduling my life, following my doctor's orders, being beside my children when they need me, offering to help others in any way i can, and remembering how blessed I am to have found my first love in the middle of my life  - these dreams, these desires, these goals will help me live the life I have imagined.